How to speak up without apologising

Because you're not a problem, you're trying to solve a problem.

If you’ve ever opened an email with ‘Sorry to bother you…’ or ‘Apologies if this is a silly question…’ this post is for you.

In publishing, especially as women (a large portion of the UK publishing workforce is female, cisgender or otherwise), it can often feel like we have to apologise for wanting to be taken seriously. We soften our tone, we apologise for the delay in responding (after only an hour), we wrap perfectly valid feedback or requests in pre-emptive disclaimers and smiley face emojis.

But here’s the thing: speaking up doesn’t make you difficult. Advocating for yourself isn’t you being ungrateful or making a threat. And raising a concern isn’t the same as complaining.

If anything, knowing how to clearly and respectfully express yourself is part of how we change the culture of the industry, and we need to change the culture of the industry.

There is a Publishing Problem in that we’re told time and time again, whether directly or indirectly, that we should be grateful that we’re here. Well, I was when I got my first ever job over a decade ago, but I’m done being grateful to anyone but myself for the hard work I’ve put in over the last 10+ years. Now I want to be assertive and advocate for myself, and I want others to be confident enough to do the same.

To help with that, here are some tried-and-tested sentence starters you can use in emails, meetings or one-to-ones, all designed to help you speak up without saying sorry for having a voice. Use them as scaffolding for your next email or as a prompt for a meeting you’re anxious about, but these are the lines I use now when I need to advocate for me and my career.

Answering an email after a few hours, days or weeks:

• Thanks for your patience.

• Just catching up on this now – thanks for waiting.

• Appreciate your patience, in answer to your question . . .

Asking for a promotion, pay rise or opportunity:

• Today, I’d like to talk about what progression looks like for me in this role and beyond. Shall I add to the agenda?

• In my next line management meeting, I’d like to discuss the possibility of a pay review based on my recent work. Shall I add to the agenda, and increase the length of the meeting, so we’ve got proper time for it and the other points on the agenda?

• Over the past few months, I’ve taken on [X, Y, Z]. These sit outside my job description so I’d like to chat about what that means for my career development. (TIP: worth checking your contract or job description before you say this.)

Raising a concern or challenge:

• I’d like to raise something I’ve been finding challenging, and get your input on how best to move forward.

• I’ve noticed something that’s been making things harder than they need to be. I’d love to run a few ideas by you.

• It would be great to talk through this issue as I’ve got a few possible fixes in mind.

Asking a question or seeking clarity:

• Can I clarify something before we move forward?

• I’m keen to make sure I’ve understood this correctly, could you confirm…?

• Just ensuring this matches what you had in mind?

• I’d appreciate your insight/confirmation on this before I continue.

Addressing a mistake or owning an issue:

• Thanks for your patience – here’s how I’m resolving this moving forward.

• I’ve spotted something I’d like to correct, and here’s the plan to fix it.

• This slipped through, but I’ve caught it now and taken steps to sort it.

• Appreciate your flag – I’ve looked into it and here’s where we’re at.

We don’t need to lead with ‘just a quick one’, ‘not sure if this is right’ or ‘apologies in advance’ to be heard. You are allowed to take up space in the inbox, in the meeting, and in your career.

Bookmark this for the next time you catch yourself typing ‘sorry’ into an email that doesn’t need it. And here’s an extra tip: start noticing the little phrases that chip away at your confidence. I used to say ‘No worries!’ all the time, even when what I really meant was ‘Actually, that’s not in my job description.’ Now, I make a conscious effort to leave it out of emails and meetings.

You’d be surprised how often we fall back on these polite defaults when we could be clearly advocating for ourselves instead.

I hope that helps, and if you have any questions or any other suggestions for speaking/typing without apologising, I’d love to hear them.